Anjie Carpenter: Home

A new song has arrived, after a long labor of love...I Am Your Angel. Click here to get the mp3:http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/anjiecarpenter7
I wrote this song a few years back at the end of 13 days of mixing Old Front Porch, my second album, at the Number 9 Studio in Toronto. I was lonely, and ready to get home to my family. Ready to see some fruit from the three years of heart I gave to that album. It was my first marketplace secular album, my stab at taking Jesus to everyone, not just us church people. I wondered if it would be effective, touch someone, make a difference. Don't we all wonder about that?

And so I sat on the edge of the bed in my hotel room and wrote:

I'm an angel in skin, just returned from above.
I've been sent here with a message of my Father's love.
I'm an angel of light.
It's not a light of my own.
If you think I shine like a star,
You oughta see the Son.
You oughta see the Son.

Now there are many more songs to be written and song. Many more messages of love to be delivered from the lips of God's messengers. Whose angel are you?

Are you a spiritual meal skipper? Many of us starve our own spirits and those of our spouses and children, then wonder absently why we are unhappy, stressed, and mentally and emotionally exhausted.

It's time for an awareness to come: our personal spirits need as much, actually more care than our physical bodies. Though our spirit is unseen, if it is out-of-mind, our lives will suffer greatly from the neglect. Eventually our mental and emotional condition will deteriorate, followed lastly by poor health.

Our generation of parents and leaders know little about how to feed the spirit. We are spiritually anorexic and need to fatten up. We know how to feed our souls with good food, education, mind-boggling visuals and entertainment, art, social events, good conversation and beautiful music. We know how to care for our bodies with healthy diets, modern medicine and exercise. But we expect our spirits to thrive on one meal a week on Sunday mornings.

How can we create healthy thriving spirits? This week, let's start with one small yet crucial step: Feeding the spirit with prayer and physical affection.

The general rule of thumb is that "in families where much prayer and tactile affection regularly occur, children are less starved or wounded. In families where there is little of this or none at all, children's spirits grieve and starve. Their inner spirit is angry and hurt, whether the mind and heart are aware of it or not" (Sandford, p. 17, Healing the Wounded Spirit, 1985). This same principle applies to our marriage relationships, churches, home groups, and circles of friends.

Upon reading this, you may think, "That's me. I received virtually no physical affection at all growing up," or, "My parents never prayed for me and blessed me." As adults we can feel empty of the very things we need to build lasting intimacy with our children and spouses.

However, because we are adults, it is important to take responsibility for both giving and receiving the affection and prayer we need. We must cultivate the intimacy we lack. This means asking for the affection and prayer we need from safe, loving people.

In regards to our children, I believe that as we step out in faith to touch them affectionately and pray for them, God will fill us and empower us to meet their needs.

My husband is a great example. To my knowledge he was never hugged or kissed as a child or told that he was loved by his parents. Yet, he is one of the most affectionate husbands and fathers I know. He has a daily practice of hugging and kissing his wife and praying for me. He also gives reassuring touches to his kids and prays for them daily. It is a habit of intimacy that, by the grace of God, he has both created and sustained for many years. He formed this habit while the children were still in my womb. He would lay his hand on my belly and talk to them and pray for them, prophesying over what manner of persons they would be.

How can you bring affection into your intimate relationships today? A passing pat on the shoulder? A hug? How can you seize an opportunity for a quick prayer to bless someone you love?

Years ago I worked as a waitress in a restaurant part-time. A situation developed in which one of my supervisors persisted in flirtations with me. I tried not to overreact, as the man was fliratious in general with all women. I told myself that this is normal behavior for many married men in today's culture and that I shouldn't take it too personally.

The situation persisted and grew worse. I couldn't bear the harrassment any longer, yet I really needed the job, and was angry because I felt the situation was forcing me to either quit or "tell on the guy" and get him fired. I was reluctant to do this, as he had a wife and children.

I made a mistake by trying to wait out the situation, and the sexual pressure and innuendo only got worse. The guy was not accepting by firm but polite refusals. The time came that I knew I needed to tell my husband about what was going on. I had already put it off for too long, fearing his anger at the man.

Sam was enraged, as I guessed he would be. My husband's reaction was actually quite typical. Proverbs says so:

"Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away. For jealousy is a husband's fury; Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, nor will he be appeased though you give him many gifts" (Proverbs 6:32-35).

My husband went to my place of work and had a cordial but firm, direct talk with the man. I think he scared the guy half-to-death. Meanwhile, I was at home praying and felt the peace of God come over me. I am blessed to be married to a man of integrity who cares about protecting my heart, my reputation, my purity and our marriage. He was able to stop the situation, and give the man a godly warning as well. He told the man that he should be careful in his dealings with married women in particular, because he may well encounter a husband who will not be as gracious as he in the future. Sam knew the principle of Proverbs 6.

Some time later, I found out that the same man was fired for sexual harrassment of another young woman. I wonder if he lost his wife and children and his career in the aftermath. I believe that God used my husband's warning as an act of mercy, giving the man a chance to repent. Unfortunately, he passed up the chance.

We must always remember that adultery is dangerous business. Many cheated husbands throughout history have even crossed the line and taken a life because of the Proverbs 6 principle. Adultery destroys marriages, families, dreams, futures, and mostly importantly, it destroys the soul. No one involved escapes the damage. And it happens to the best of of the best, even Christians.

What are some practical ways to safeguard ourselves from adultery?

1.Always keep your spouse involved in informed of your working relationships. Keep everything "in the light."
2.Be a great boundary-setter in the workplace. If you must do business one-on-one with a person of the opposite sex, do it in a public place or with a third party present.
3.Avoid touchy-feely people of the opposite sex or people who make comments laden with sexual innuendos. Many times people test or ply with sexual comments before progressing to emotional, then physical adultery.
4.Refuse to work long or late hours with people of the opposite sex, or to work alone with them. Also, refuse to drink alcohol with a person of the opposite sex that you are not married to. All of these scenarios set you up to compromise in a moment of weakness.
5.Do not allow yourself to be flattered or comforted by the attentions of someone you are not married to. Reserve that privilege for your spouse.
6.Reserve your red heels, sexy clothing and seductive perfume for date nights and time alone with your spouse.
7.Read what the Word of God says about adultery. Do a serious study on the subject, and store it up in your heart.